This one was easy because everyone knows how I love making out with girls.
Now that I have your attention, please note that this blog is being written about yesterday because I happened to be partying in the gay capital of our nation, San Francisco.
Slobbered out of bed around 8:30 am from a healthy night's sleep of about 5 1/2 hours. Dragged my hungover ass to Safeway where I purchased an ORANGE Gatorade because the aftertaste resembles goldfish crackers, and fish are gay, right Kanye? I almost hugged a complete stranger because she not only let me and my Gatorade go ahead of her in line, but she followed me out to the parking lot after I'd left my car keys at the cashier. Was I was still drunk?
I got to Berkeley to pre-party for the game a bit when Dev and I went to sushi (more gay fish) and talked shit about people the whole time. Wait I'm unclear..am I supposed to be a gay man or gay woman, here? Headed back for beers and football (ok, the butch in me is coming out) and I took a quiz testing whether my brain was masculine or feminine (http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sex/add_user.shtml), and sure enough, on a scale from 0-100, zero being gender neutral and 100 being either really masculine or really feminine, I scored 25 toward being a man, which is scary because the average for men was 50. I guess, just call me Barb.....
After pizza, beer, sports, and periodically readjusting my junk every 3 minuntes, I changed clothes for the city. Mind you, I was wearing the equivalent of a football shirt (you know, really short but really baggy) only it was leopard print. I got off BART at 16th and Mission and immediately got leered at by a bunch of dirty old men so I barked back at them like any self-respecting lesbian would. At Danise's birthday dinner, I ordered squash soup. Don't think there's any gay connection there... But I WAS about the only person there sitting without a significant other, so it's kinda like I was the awkward, half-out-of-the-closet token gay person?
Later, we headed to Medjool for drinks and a terrace view of the city. And obviously, since I was gay, I could point toward the Castro. Then I proceeded to make out with every chick in the bar and called it a night.
Now fuck off,
Barb
No comments:
Post a Comment