Day #5: Mass Social Experiment

Assignment: "Cut out and stick this sign on any item of public infrastructure you might encounter today, including, but not limited to: elevators, garbage trucks, cranes, phone booths, toilets, ventilation units, escalators, entrances to subway stations. The aim is to achieve comprehensive social breakdown across the U.S."

I LOVE THIS ONE!! I was too asleep on my morning errands to remember to bring this sign with me. So far I've been to the bank, but I'm pretty sure it's probably a misdemeanor or something to tamper with an ATM machine. Plus they keep those things better guarded than the governor's mansion. I could have posted it somewhere at Starbucks had I remembered the sign, but where? On a can of whipped cream? No one in East Sac who is in a Starbucks at 9:45am even requests whip cream, am I right, snobby housewives? I heard 9 out of 10 people behind me frantically screaming, "Hold the whip!!" before they even got to the front, as if they didn't trust themselves or their pathetic self-control.

However, I will be going to the gym at 5:30pm, which is smack dab in the middle of commuter workout period. The 9-to-5ers in neighboring office buildings barely have time to strip off their ties and peel off their pantyhose in their rush to squeeze in a workout before dinnertime. Isn't the gym supposed to release the tension accumulated throughout the workday? It's as if these people haven't had enough stimulation, and their workouts are as twitchy and tense as a constipated news anchor.

I'm planning an ambush. When I get to the gym around this time, I'm usually lucky enough to find the last cardio machine somwhere, kind of like the perfect parking space. Others behind me are not so fortunate. In this type of climate, would it be entirely wrong to use the "Out Of Order" sign? It will be a challenge, I'm not denying it. I usually bring a magazine, in the pages of which I could hide the sign, discreetly slipping it onto the precious stationary bicycle or treadmill for which everyone is waiting. Is it too satanic? Conniving? Would it give me a giggle? A pang of guilt? A VIP seat in hell? Stay tuned...