Day #6: My Novel

"Today write the opening sentence of your debut novel."

Not an easy feat, my friends. None of the classic novels have a boring first sentence. The first sentence is like the journalist's lede; that's right, not lead. Although journalists are hard-pressed to fit the entire summary of the succeeding story into this first sentence, novelists have all the wiggle room in the world. However, like the lede, it must draw the reader in. Therefore, every novelist's first thought must be, "Now, how do I incorporate sex into my debut sentence," even if he or she might be writing a book about the shelf life of applesauce.

So that's the first step: what will the novel be about? Additionally, who are the main characters? What is the setting? These are the most important queries for a novelist. Luckily, I'm about to answer them in regards to my sooner-or-later-to-be-best-selling-novel.

I wrote a short story back in a creative writing class at Cal called "The Honey Collector." (ADDENDUM: I reserve the right to sue anyone who attempts to steal my idea.) It followed a truck driver across the country as he discreetly smuggled small amounts of honey out of each shipment in preparation for the extinction of honey bees. It was his plan for becoming rich via the old-fashioned method of the American monopoly. Since receiving an A on this story (come on, are you surprised?), I've tweaked the character into a woman trucker who refuses to drive on freeways, preferring the precariously winding highways like CA-Hwy 1. Obviously it's a comedy (think Tom Robbins and David Sedaris). I haven't worked out many more of the details being a little preoccupied with post-grad survival and all, but according to the following debut sentence, feel free to scrutinize the validity of my future masterpiece:

"Orla appreciated sampling the edible components of animal excrement."

Don't be grossed out. Unless you didn't already know, honey is regurgitated bee puke. Oh, and eggs come from chicken butts. Sweet dreams!