"Your body is a temple. Cut out addictive substances and habits for the day and see how much purer you feel."
The second I woke up, I failed this assignment. I fell prey to my very worst addiction: cuddling. Not only was I clutching my stuffed Pink Kitty up under my chin, but I was also playing big spoon to my tattooed twin, Cathee. Normally, she takes on the big spoon position, but sometimes you have to shake things up a bit.
I'm not one to half-ass things. If you've woken up a failure, continue on the path of doom. It's like waking up and indulging in half a pack of cigarettes and a tall stack of Ihop pancakes...it's all downhill from there. So I wasted about an hour and a half watching Spongebob Squarepants while Cathee slept off her stupor. However, I barely had time to change when we were abducted by an SUV full of friends on the pretense of brunch. One young man kindly gave up his seat and instead nestled himself in the trunk, and we were off like a Mexican mini-van. After arguing at warp speed all the way downtown about the myriad of restaurant choices awaiting us, we decided on Streets of London because it seemed one of the few places that A) had a TV for football, B) had strong drinks, and C) wouldn't frown at the hair I hadn't combed in 48 hours. And so the day meant to remain free of addictive substances continued with Screwdriver shooters and very odd Bloody Marys that were made with Guinness (I can promise I will NEVER become addicted to those).
We relocated to Sweetwater, a cleaner, yuppier establishment, where another young man in our group proceeded to order Prison Sex. Shot glass 2/3 full with Crown Royal, topped with Butterscotch liqueur, chased with another shot of Coca-Cola. Just like prison sex, it hurt in the end. We chased 3 rounds of these with addictive California Benedicts and French toast (wisely split between Cathee and myself).
Smart addicts are clever enough to stop ingesting at least 2 hours before they must go to work. Which is exactly what I did. Made it home by means of a sober driver, drank about a gallon of water, a can of another addictive substance, Coca-Cola, and sped off to work.
Nothing particularly addictive there other than the annoying power trips everyone experiences in customer service. Five hours later...
Headed home to participate in what I thought was the tail-end of a family BBQ. If you know anything of my family, this BBQ was not a place to avoid addicting substances. There were German pretzels and sauerkraut, dark beers and tequila shots, gossip and ridicule (i.e. the major family food groups). I escaped with my life to crawl into bed at midnight, hours before the laughing and hollering ceased in my backyard.
Operation: FAIL
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